Before blocking the person in question, I had a lot of back and forth on the TL earlier this month over whether I was “Shoving things under people’s noses” by blogging my thoughts. Notably those since mid-May. I thought this was a bizarre thing to say. Particularly considering the way many others use their twitter to do just that.
The first thing that occurred to me was “What the hell else do you expect me to blog?” Someone else’s thoughts? Or just the thoughts you consider acceptable, palatable, part of a received truth?
But it got me thinking about “shoving things under people’s noses” and whether I do it.
I was reminded of a conversation I had in September that I think was pertinent, and sheds light on why I blog the way I do. I’ve blogged many thoughts over the last 20 months or so. I’ve also blogged stories about my former muse, and posted #SinfulSunday pictures of me, of her and of us together.
I made a deliberate choice right at the start to do that on here, and not on twitter. There were a number of reasons for that. the main three are simple:
By writing on a blog and posting the link to twitter, it gives people a choice whether to read or not. Posting the link is saying “Here it is, if you want.” If I just spewed the stories and pictures out on twitter, then that would be shoving it under people’s noses. It’s saying “Here it is, you can’t avoid it.” What I do is the opposite of shoving it under your nose. I give you a choice.
On the blog I have a certain amount of control. For instance, now the muse is no more, I’ve been able to be respectful and remove the stories and pictures. That would be rather harder if I had to go back through 18 months of twitter and delete what would be thousands of tweets one by one!
I also wasn’t posting the stories and pictures to brag. And that brings me back to the conversation I had in September.
My sub of the time had taken an unfortunate detour from her path. One of the things she had been concerned about was the detour’s attitude to having her submission. She felt that in being so obvious about being in a relationship with her, making public claims of ownership on twitter (something she said overstepped the limits of their agreement, although despite offering it to me to read on a number of occasions, it never quite materialised) that he was more interested in how it looked to other people that she was with him, than being interested in her as a person.
She felt objectified, that he was showing off, bragging. That he was essentially saying “Hey, everybody, look what I get to use.” My muse used to complain about people who treated us as a couple on the TL, even those who’d met with us as a couple. This using-her-as-a-trophy was something she felt very uncomfortable about, and I was happy the blog ensured an extra layer of separation from our day to day interactions with others.
She valued the discretion, although in hindsight there may have been an nefarious motive for that, too. But she was never a cheap attention seeker, so it wasn’t important to her to parade our relationship in front of everybody so obviously.
For me, a girl’s submission isn’t a trophy, something to shove under people’s noses to brag about. So I preferred to keep the stories and pictures in a place people had to choose to read them. What’s important to me about a girl’s submission isn’t how it makes me look, it’s about how it makes me feel. It was enough for me to cherish the girl and her submission, without having to shout about it.
After all, if what’s important is the two of you, why the need to shove it under people’s noses? But if it’s for show, you’ve got to ask what you’re in the relationship for. What your other is in the relationship for. Is it for you as a person, or for you as a trophy, an object to parade in front of others and brag about? Or worse, advertise them.
© Charles Rochester 2016