Thoughts On Name Calling

Slut, whore, bitch.

I’ve long said that using loaded words for your sub is a bad thing, something that demeans and humiliates, attacks your sub’s self esteem, the very thing you should strive as a Dom to enhance.

This opinion has been informed and supported by two of my former subs.

But more recently, I’ve gained an appreciation for using them (There’s even a story about it coming up on Monday). So what’s caused this change?

Simple: A subtle shift in my perception of them.

As always it’s about her needs. Many subs feel not demeaned by the words, but empowered to behave accordingly for their Dom. And there’s the key.

If you try to insult me by telling me I have three heads, or that I’m stupid, or a bad Dom, or accuse me of things I haven’t done, I might be confused where you got that impression, or wonder why you’re motivated to accuse me in that way, or decide you’re not someone I want to talk to anymore. But the words won’t hurt – because I know there’s no truth in them.

The power to hurt with words only exists if they strike at a truth. Particularly a truth that you find uncomfortable.

If you’re not a slut, to be called a slut by your Dom – a man who cares for you and protects you, and the only man you engage sexually with either in play or in words – will free you to behave for him in a way those outside your bond may consider slutty. But it won’t hurt you at all, because you both know that you’re not a slut.

If you are a slut, to be called a slut by someone you’re playing with who isn’t your Dom (maybe when you’re bent over his car bonnet) is going to hurt, because you feel the truth of it.

If you’re called a slut by your Dom, when you engage sexually with others behind his back, it’s going to hurt because you feel the truth of your indiscriminate favour. It feels like an accusation, not because it is, but because of your self image.

Words hurt when they cut too close to the bone. Too close to the self realisation. When they highlight a truth about you that you want to deny even to yourself. You cannot slutshame someone who doesn’t already believe they’re a slut.

If you behave like a slut only for him, and your behaviour outside your bond is unimpeachable, then the same words free you to release your hidden desires. And that means you don’t have to lie about those desires. And that means you’re more likely to have them fulfilled.

It’s the difference between A slut, and YOUR slut. But even then, if you’re focussed on the second word of “My slut” instead of the first, you have to ask yourself why.

When I was begged to “Make me your slut,” and told “I’m your slut,” I hesitated. But I realised it was about how we interact and about freeing her to engage in that interaction without guilt or the feelings of being demeaned that I had thought it might lead to. It was the opposite. Why? Because she has self confidence, that she’s not a slut and she knows it. And knows I know it.


© Charles Rochester 2016

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