Honesty is essential in D/s. Honesty means you tell the truth, hopefully because you know it’s the right thing to do, but certainly when you’re asked a direct question. Honesty doesn’t hide a painful truth.
When your other expresses a concern about someone or something, honesty means you face that concern with the truth of the situation, not try to prevaricate or conceal or turn the concern into an argument about something else, real or straw man.
But it’s not enough. What’s just as important is Loyalty. Loyalty means that the truth you tell won’t hurt your other. Loyalty means your behaviour doesn’t raise the concern in the first place.
If you’re loyal to your sub or Dom, then you behave in a way you know they wouldn’t object if they were watching. Loyalty means they’d be proud of you.
Loyalty means you don’t have to make excuses, you don’t erode your bond, you don’t have to apologise, you don’t have to pretend you didn’t know what you were doing was wrong when you get caught out. Loyalty means you don’t let your other down.
The behaviour of a sub reflects on her Dom and vice versa. In an exclusive bond, it’s important to ensure that you make each other proud, that you don’t allow the disrespect of others to continue. If you’re loyal then when someone tries to engage your sexual interest, you don’t allow it, unless your bond allows it. You don’t encourage it, and you don’t allow anyone to seduce you away from your bond with their attention.
But mostly your behaviour reflects on you. However much you might rage at another person for something, if your behaviour shows that you were disloyal, disrespectful and encouraged those who disrespected your relationship, that reflects on you.
A loyal other will always forgive, strive to rebuild that bond however weakened it’s become, because a good relationship is a good relationship, it just sometimes needs a little evolving, tweaking. Loyalty means you try, you run to your other when there are problems, not run from them increasing the space, increasing the erosion.
Ultimately, loyalty is about truth. If your connection has weakened, for whatever reason, the final disloyalty is to continue whatever is harming it (because you’ve chosen to) while trying to blame those who have strived to strengthen it, believing that’s what you want instead.
Cheap trivial attention (which is how it always starts) shouldn’t seduce a loyal sub from her Dom. Unless she’s not really a sub, and just another twitter attention seeker.
© Charles Rochester 2016