Happy is important. But happy isn’t about a destination. Happy is about a journey. It’s about how you feel right now. What you want in your life is overall for there to be more happy than not happy. More times that you feel happy than that you don’t.
Nobody is ever going to get to a stage where they feel happy all the time. And if you did, you wouldn’t recognise that you were happy because happy would become normal. So we all need those times that are the contrast to happy. That’s nothing to feel bad about. We all need those times when things didn’t quite work out the way we expected them to, wanted them to. It’s okay, it’s not a disaster, it’s just today. And it’ll help you appreciate the happy when it’s there.
So what do we do to be happy? We find out what or who it is that fulfils us, makes us feel good. And we do our best to get more of them. And we look at the things that don’t make us feel good, and do our best to have less of that.
If I can be horribly patronising for a moment, the things that make us feel less good are all modern life things: the stresses, the busy, the running around, the having no time to do the things you know make you feel good.
Not being happy is really just the absence of the things that make you happy. So to be happy, what you need is to make sure that as often as possible you get to indulge those things.
In D/s we get lucky, because one of the things we can indulge in that make us happy is subspace. She can put herself in the hands of her Dom, and he can take away all those stresses and strains of the day to day slog. You could spend your time driving from one place to another, and there’s a block on the wall of stress. You can be at work and idiot colleagues can put another block on that wall. I love my kids, but bloody hell, they’re another block on that wall of stress.
So you find yourself a great Dom, one you can trust with the deepest parts of you, and you put yourself in his hands as often as he’ll take you. And you let him knock that wall down, take those blocks away and turn them to dust, cast them to the wind. So when he’s done, you have none of that stress, none of those worries. He’s taken it out of you. All that driving, all those idiots, all the day-to-day worries. Gone.
If you can do that, if you can find someone who you trust, who cares for you, who will take those things away from you, and if the way he takes down his wall of stress is by taking your worries away, and watching the transformation of his sub as the pure, unencumbered essence of her emerges from under those stresses, then between you is a thing of beauty to cherish.
But the longer you go without it, the more weighed down by the world you’ll be. The more unsure you’ll feel, the more worried you’ll feel, the less confident you’ll feel. The less like you you’ll feel.
And then will come the moment you both save each other again.
Be happy. Find what makes you happy, and get it as often as you can, from the person who knows how to give you the happiness the way you need.
© Charles Rochester 2016