Very rarely you’ll meet someone you can trust. Unquestioningly, completely trust.
But every day you’ll meet people you can trust to be true to their nature. People just can’t help themselves. They have to be them. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. If they’re fundamentally a good person, then you can rely on them to do good things. Few people consider what they do to be bad. But we all have a different idea of “the right thing” in a certain situation so it’s sometimes difficult to predict what a person will do.
But hang around long enough and you start to see that in similar situations, people repeat their old behavioural patterns. Think of your friends: How often does that girl pick the man you all know is wrong for her? How often does that man get bored with the girl that 6 weeks ago he was telling you was the love of his life?
People get stuck. Like a record. (for those under 33⅓ they were round black things that played glorious analogue music before music got seedy). You can recognise these behaviours in people you’ve known for a while, talk to your group of friends about it and either laugh, lament or worry as the same failed stories unfold in real time again and again.
But there’s hope. The patterns of behaviour repeat because the situations are the same and the people stuck in the same mindsets.
You can change the outcome, stop the repeating failures not by changing what you do, but by changing why you do it.
Changing what you do might help, but will be unsustainable if if it’s against your character. Things will start to improve, and you get lulled into a glow of success, just in time to decide you can safely go back to your old ways, and old path to failure. Change how you do something and you’re still aimed at the same outcome, you’re just trying to get there by a slightly different route.
Changing the “why” fundamentally changes the “what” and the “how”.
By changing your intended destination, you have to rethink your route. And crucially rethink how you view success. So your behaviour patterns automatically change.
But it’s not easy, the unlearning of lifelong habits and social conditioning. It helps to have a navigator who understands you, understands what you need to achieve. Someone who will encourage the behaviour that will have a positive impact on you, be proud of your progress and your achievements. And discourage the bad old patterns that haven’t served you well in the past. And we’re back to that person you unquestioningly, completely trust.
© Charles Rochester 2016