We all have routines in our lives. We get up, we go to work, we collect the kids from school, we eat, we do whatever we do to relax and then go to bed.
Some routines are tighter. We say good morning when we wake, goodnight before bed…
At some point a routine crosses a threshold and through exact repetition becomes something else, something that is done with a precision. A Ritual.
The Ritual is an important element of a D/s relationship. Even if it is as simple as a “call and response” – I say this, you answer with that. It’s an expression of connection that remains under every circumstance, even if a pair have had a disagreement, or are upset by something, when their communication is faltering, the call-and-response remains as a reassurance, an anchor for you both that’s nurtured in good times to get you through the the wobble, to remind you how strong your connection is, that you both care.
It says “We’ve had a bad day, but I’m still here. I’m still yours.” After all, tomorrow is another day.
Routines don’t have quite the same power. Just because you say goodnight every night, if you say it in slightly different ways every night, then saying it isn’t a “you two” thing. But saying it as part of a ritual has the power of reassurance. A power that can be turned on its head by not observing the ritual.
There are many opportunities for Rituals n D/s. The names you use for each other, how you greet each other, how a girl submits and how a man accepts her submission. How you undress, how you bind your sub, whether you need permission from your Dom to come and how you ask…
Rituals are important, but have too many and like a church service it’s going to become dusty and staid. An unvarying relationship by numbers. So while one or two can perform the valuable role of a core foundation during times you’re apart, too many can become unthinking.
I often say in these blog posts “This is just my way, I’m not trying to say how it should be for you.” But on Rituals, I’d encourage you to let one or two evolve. Don’t force it. You’ll not know what’s become a Ritual until it slips. Once you know, nurture it.
© Charles Rochester 2016