One of the aspects of Dominance that I struggle with is consistency.
Consistency is important. Vital, even. If a Dom says he’ll do something, he must do it. He can’t shirk his responsibility however hard it might be, or his sub will never know where she stands: Will he do as he said or not? Is he disappointed or not? Is this one of the times that she won’t receive correction, or one of the times she will?
If a pair agree to something, then it’s a Dom’s responsibility to be consistent in how that something is managed.
For a Dom to be reliable, he must be consistent.
And there lays my struggle. There are times when I don’t want to be consistent, times when I want to just ignore that a task hasn’t been done, or that a ritual hasn’t played out. In particular there may be times when there’s a very good reason why a task wasn’t delivered or ritual wasn’t followed. Or an event that’s so worth celebrating that it far outweighs any disappointment in the tasks not being done.
For those times when his sub needs to be focussed on something else, a responsible Dom should have alternatives in place, a free pass, trades perhaps, so that she has a way to show her care while focussing fully on the ‘something else’.
And there are times when circumstances make it impossible. It’s my opinion that tasks must always be achievable, and a recognition that circumstances made it impossible doesn’t make a Dom inconsistent, it makes him compassionate. And if those circumstances are going to be frequent, it’s his responsibility to propose changes to the task or to the rules around it.
But those impossible times aside, even when there’s reason why the tasks were neglected, if they were possible and no trade or pass was agreed, then in being consistent a Dom has no choice but to follow through on the sanction. And that’s disappointing for me.
Why? What about an occasion when there is something big to celebrate? Something you want to show how proud and pleased you are? You don’t want to burst a bubble, but by the same token to be seen as reliable, then you have to be consistent.
It’s a delicate balancing act, and one that I know I’ve not always got right. And when I don’t then I’m the most disappointing thing of all.
© Charles Rochester 2016