Tomorrow is the Filth And Erotica’s first birthday. It was a year ago that I published Watching, still one of my favourites. There’ve been short stories, a few long stories, the long running #InspiredByYou and lots of thoughts.
On Wednesday I learned that I had been listed by kinkly.com as one of their Top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes (at number 81, but when you see the other in that list you’ll see why it’s exciting for me!) at Number 9 in their New Sex Blogs of 2015 and at Number 5 in their Top Erotic blogs of 2015. Massively unexpected and equally thrilling for me.
I’ve learned a lot in the last twelve months, and as the year has gone on, I’ve noted down some of those lessons. Forgive the slightly wanky self-referential look back.
It may be surprising how many people share your kinks, if only you share with them.
People come to expect something from you, such as blog posts. Don’t let them down just because Christmas, birthdays and new year happen!
You can be too nice. People can get the wrong idea, misinterpret your attention. Be clear.
If you sit your naked girl on your lap, and she squirts all over your trousers, you really can’t avoid taking your suit to the cleaners. No, really. I know it dries clear, and she’s amazing, but even so.
The same doesn’t apply to sofa cushions in her friend’s house.
People will surprise you. Both good and bad.
Hand jobs can be good, if the girl you’re with happens to be well in tune with you, and able to please you.
Know how a girl shows her care for you. Understand her, and you’ll discover there’s no more fulfilling way for her to show her care than her way. What other way would you want it?
Car seatbelts make excellent restraints.
It’s okay to keep it to yourself, so long as you’re meeting her needs and she’s satisfying yours.
Even four poster beds in Bridal Suites squeak like crazy.
Peacocks are idiots.
Sometimes a girl needs you to travel the three hour round trip on the train to give her a hug for ten minutes. And sometimes she needs to know for the days before that someone cares about her enough to do it.
You can convince yourself of many things. It’s important to hold on to the reality.
You can’t always be there. But you must ensure that she knows your thoughts, your spirit, your love surrounds her always. Particularly in those moments she most needs to hear that you’re always with her, no matter why she’s sad.
Every part of a girl can taste good. Not just her mouth, her breasts, her cunt, but her bottom and her toes, too.
Other people are surprisingly supportive.
I’m massively protective of the phrases *I* use when I talk to a girl. It riles me greatly when others use them, too. Particularly when I know they’re cunts and doing it deliberately.
She must be able to express whatever she needs. Never react negatively, that isn’t care.
Communication may be difficult, it may be uncomfortable, but it is always the right thing.
“Mine” is important. “Mine” is the priority. “Mine” means something. Make sure it means the same thing to the person you’re saying it to, or that way lies misunderstanding.
Do the right thing, say what you have to say, even if saying it will cause problems. It’s the wellbeing of the person you care for that’s the important thing.
Write from the heart. Don’t try to be clever or say what people want to hear. Just speak with your own voice.
Some people are cunts. It doesn’t matter if you can see it, predict their actions over the next 6 weeks, even though you shared those predictions, doesn’t mean anyone is going to listen. They have to make their own mistakes.
Listen. Don’t just wait for your turn to speak. If you don’t listen, you don’t hear or understand. And if you don’t understand someone, they won’t stick around. By contrast, if you listen, if you understand, you show you care, and you’ll not lose the person that needs your care.
People reveal themselves in their unguarded moments. If they say or do things that are red flags for you, it doesn’t matter if they stop doing them when you say it’s not okay. They’ve shown how they really are – even if they’re now hiding that from you.
Be consistent. That also reveals who you are. If you make a promise and then simply keep it, people will know you can be trusted. It may be a cliche, but actions do speak louder than words.
Hard times are hard (the clue’s in the name). But if you show you have the strength for them, then you show you have the strength for anything. And even if you’d rather forget the bad times, the good times that follow can be better for them.
She was worth it.
Blogging everyday is overkill, even if it does get you your best statistics.
How about I finish off this revoltingly self referential post with some statporn?
Still here? Right then…
- The “People’s Choice”:
- Most read blog:
- Splash #InspiredByYou, from May 8th
- My favourite blogs:
- The Girl’s favourite blog:
- Submission, August 24th
- My Favourite Audio:
- Table #InspiredByYou, October 15th
- Total views as of posting this: 18,781
- Most reads in a day: 305, October 18th
- Best month: October (2517 views)
- Best week: 19-26th October (826 views)
Self congratulation fest complete!
Thank you all for making this blogging year so much fun and so rewarding.
© Charles Rochester 2015