Thoughts On Trust

Trust. I like that people say you “win” someone’s trust. It makes it clear it’s a prize, something to cherish, be proud of.

You can’t accept the submission of a girl if she doesn’t trust you. Why not? Because if she doesn’t trust you, she shouldn’t offer her submission in the first place.

Trust in this sense is vital. It’s the trust that you won’t ignore her boundaries, that you will make her the centre, the focus of what you’re doing with her and to her. It’s a trust not only about what you will do, but what you won’t do. So if you’ve already ignored those boundaries once, however trivially, how do you expect her to trust you to recognise her important boundaries and not to breach them?

Trust is (or should be) hard earned and easily lost. Being trusted by someone is a privilege not to be abused. I trust rarely. That’s not because I’m naturally suspicious, or cynical. The opposite. It’s because when I trust, it’s total. If I trust someone then I will accept what they tell me as the absolute truth, even in the face of things that might appear to suggest I shouldn’t. Certainly in the face of comments by others that I don’t trust. And I’ll do that because they’ve shown me they can be trusted, and I’ve never seen them break the trust of another, either.

But in the past once fractured, that trust shatters just as completely and is harder to rebuild than it was to establish in the first place. In fact, I can’t think of an example from my life of someone who’s regained my trust after breaking it.

It’s why I respect truth. It’s why I say that a lie is always more harmful than a painful truth it’s supposed to conceal.

There’s only one way you can win someone’s trust: Be consistent. Do what you say you’ll do. Don’t tell them you can do something if you can’t follow through. Show them you have the strength to keep your promises, whatever comes. Show your words have substance, that they’re more than just comforting vibrations in the air that pass at the speed of sound, said to achieve your immediate goals but never to be regarded again.

There are many ways to lose someone’s trust. If I make a promise, I keep it. If I didn’t how would you or anyone else ever trust my promises again? It’s not just about the person I made the promise to, either. If I want you to trust me, but you know I broke a promise to someone else, then how could you trust my promises to you? And it doesn’t matter how trivial the promise was. Arguably the more trivial the easier it is to keep, so if I break it then how will it be when a promise is hard to keep?

NaughtyTwitter runs on trust. Who do you talk to, who do you flirt with, who do you meet, who do you play with, who do you DM pictures to…

By and large, because we’re all here to express ourselves we respect each other’s privacy. But if (as one of my followers described recently) you forward on photos of people or blab about what you or they say or do, how can you possibly be trusted again? Ever. By Anyone.

If you’re indiscreet how would anyone tell you a secret?

I see people do things on twitter (and elsewhere) almost everyday that fatally harm their ability ever to be trusted by me. I find it incomprehensible that someone would trust someone that they know to have broken someone else’s confidence, overstepped boundaries, broken a promise they made, or been indiscreet. Of course we all have different tolerances, and vive la difference. But if it all comes unstuck, make sure you have a safe harbour, a pair of arms to surround you, someone you can rely on.

Someone you can trust.

Read also Thoughts On Lying


4 thoughts on “Thoughts On Trust

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  3. Pingback: Thoughts On Rights, Responsibilities And Privileges In D/s | Filth & Erotica

  4. Pingback: Thoughts On Respect | Filth & Erotica

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