This morning on twitter, one of my followers (no, I’m not saying who, put in the legwork yourself, the post is called “effort“!) was expressing how she felt her all wasn’t enough. She did it in six words. It got me thinking. I’ve taken more than six. This is for her to think about before she puts too much of herself into it. I hope she doesn’t mind…
Effort – You make an effort, or you don’t
If someone makes the effort, it’s because they want to. If you want people to make an effort for you, you have to make sure you show them the effort is appreciated. If you don’t, and you show them that your effort is directed elsewhere, then after a while, they’ll just direct their effort elsewhere too, somewhere that they feel it is reciprocated. And if they don’t show you your effort is appreciated, why give it your all?
No one can be angry if someone doesn’t make an effort. If they don’t want to make an effort for someone, why should they? People can be disappointed, they can be hurt, but the simple truth is if an effort isn’t being made, it’s because they just didn’t want to anymore. Would it really be better if you made someone feel they had to make an effort when they didn’t want to? No.
No one needs to be angry when this happens. They just need to recognise it. If you’re the one paying attention and putting in the effort, you’ll see when that effort isn’t being returned. Maybe they don’t favourite your tweets, or reply when you @mention them. Maybe they’re online on WhatsApp or iMessage or text for a time without bothering to read your message, while telling you they’re busy. They are busy. They’re busy directing their effort elsewhere.
I would hope not but maybe, as harsh as it sounds, they’re just indifferent towards you.
Whatever it is, you’ll see it. Don’t be angry, you just didn’t keep their interest. All their fine words were probably meant when they were said. Things change. They’re not making the effort, you don’t inspire them, you’re not their priority. If they’re not making the effort, it’s very noble to continue to make the effort yourself, but there comes a point when it’ll become self-destructive. We’ve all been there at some time in our lives, the temptation to keep giving it your all, as you said on twitter you would, is powerful, but if your all isn’t enough, or just isn’t what they want, then when they stop making the effort for you, be supportive of that change by making it yourself, too.
© Charles Rochester 2015