Thoughts On Choking

My hand, closing around her throat…

It’s a theme you’ll find cropping up again and again on this blog. Why? What is it about it that I find so erotic?

As is so often the case for me, it’s about control, taking it, giving a little back or not as I see fit. Whether a girl has her back to the wall, is leaning against me, or is laying down, holding a girl’s throat is, behind taking a fistful of hair, the second best way of controlling her body. But it has the added bonus of controlling more than just her position.

I don’t want to discuss the methods, or try to describe them. This is one of the things I get to be good at because of my knowledge of anatomy and physiology. What I would say to anyone thinking of trying it is be very careful. Start easy, start gently. If you get this wrong, you’re going to have a problem.

So remember the motto that every Dom should have branded on them:

Take Care

Close attention to your girl is needed. You should already be very familiar with even the smallest cues and signals her body gives. When she can’t talk she can’t use a safe word if that’s your normal practice, and if you don’t, as I don’t, then you must know your girl’s responses inside out. What I will say is that depending on how you hold her neck, you can restrict her breathing, restrict the blood flow to the brain, stop her from swallowing, speaking, but – done well – still get your cock as far down her throat as its length will allow. But why would you? Why restrict those things?

Restricting a girl’s breathing will do a few things. It will fatigue her muscles, cause her body to course with an additional rush of adrenalin, her body will prioritise the blood and oxygen where it’s needed most: Her brain and her orgasm. Her body’s function becomes about nothing else. Her whole self centres on her orgasm. Slowly, very slowly you can take her to the edge of consciousness and beyond.

As for restricting blood flow, that’ll starve her brain of oxygen, drive her to unconsciousness if you choose just as well as starving her of oxygen, but quickly. In seconds. Personally, that extreme of choking isn’t for me, when I steal her consciousness it’s by making her come so hard she can’t fight off the clouds, the closing mists of the faint. When I restrict blood flow, I do it with a very close attention and high awareness of her body’s responses, have her surf the edge of consciousness, rather than deny it entirely.

Starving the brain of a little oxygen raises the level of euphoria, creates a purity of sensation where there’s room only for the sensation of the moment, heightened, raised, and no space or time for thought. All the while driving her body to orgasm, allowing her to have little awareness but you and what you’re doing to her body. And then, as you release her as she comes, there’s the rush of oxygen, the flood of serotonin and oxytocin. The orgasm more powerful for it. And the closeness, the protection, the care, the love.

Why do I find choking so erotic? If you have to ask, I’d ask you: Why don’t you?

Yes, there’s another sort of choking of course, that you get from deepthroat without a well trained gag reflex (or choosing to allow it). I’ll do a post on that another time.

© Charles Rochester 2015


Thoughts On @Killing_Kittens

I’ve followed Killing Kittens on twitter since last year. They’ve always seemed to be a company worth putting up with the constant “Posted a new picture to Facebook…” tweets.

I was rather excited earlier today when after all these months they requested to follow me back. Perhaps someone there had stumbled across my blog? Or a mutual follower had posted a link? Either way, a national company, with a recognisable name wanted to follow me. Hell, maybe in time I could get them to sponsor the blog!

Now, I’m very aware of my position online. I have a small twitter with only around 350 followers, and a blog that gets a couple of thousand reads a month. I’m not a big time tweeter or blogger. I’m perfectly happy about that, I’m sure if I wanted to – aggressively following likely accounts and other strategies – I could get loads more followers and readers, but I’m not here for that. I’m happy just putting my thoughts down and chatting to people. I’m lucky that there are a few of you who seem to like what I write.

So to attract the attention of a brand like Killing Kittens was quite exciting. After all, they weren’t just following me for a followback – I already followed them.

In fairness, I wasn’t so surprised. I’m probably their target market. Yes, I know they supposedly market to women in a pro-sex, empowerment manner, and yes, I’ve heard the rumours about them buying in escorts so there are lots of available young women at their parties… But I’m pro-sex, I’m not sexist, I’m well mannered, respectful, and (I believe) not repulsively ugly. I’m just the sort of person they’d likely want at a party.

So when I accepted them and sent a “Hello @Killing_Kittens, welcome!” tweet, I was surprised that they instantly unfollowed me. They had no more information that they had before! So, in a rare move, I unlocked and tweeted them to ask why. Politely.

And they blocked me. Yes, blocked. Not “ignored”, or embarrassedly admitted they hadn’t meant to request a follow, but blocked.

Not the best way to build goodwill!

So come on,  KK, unblock me, request to follow again. I don’t harbour grudges, and I don’t expect an apology, but I’m curious to know what happened there. So all of you with unlocked accounts, by all means click that share button down there, get their attention!

Will I still go to a party? Maybe. But I won’t sign in as @AnOlderMan!

Rant over.

Thoughts On Toe Sucking

I confess, for me this is a relatively new discovery. In my desire to experience every inch of a girl, and while she was laying on my bed, I stroked her legs, her feet, kissed them, and wanted to lick and suck all of her. So, on impulse, I took her big toe into my mouth.

She gasped.

Had I not had my mouth full, I would have, too. As I tasted each of her toes, sucking them into my mouth, sometimes two or three at a time, licking around and between them with my tongue, under them, between them and the balls of her feet, her head fell back, her mouth open. Gasping.
In hindsight I’m not surprised. Considering how much I love having her lips close around my fingers or my thumb, the wet heat of her mouth around my skin, her tongue exploring them. Considering how much I love to explore and possess her body, all of her body, to express that in this act of caring, nurturing, and how much she needs that totality of being taken too…

Why should her sheer pleasure, my utter enjoyment be a surprise?

But what is it that is so enjoyable about it? The fact that she has to be off her feet? That you have to control her feet in case she kicks? That the feel of your mouth over her toes, your tongue milking at them, so consumes her? That you taste yet more of her skin? That she has been taken more completely by me?

I haven’t done enough of it to have thought about it at the time – I’ve just spent some time losing myself in doing it on a few occasions. So I honestly don’t know, but did I mention her skin, the texture, the taste of her. In my mouth. And her gasp? Did I mention her gasp?

I know how good it feels when she takes me inside her mouth: my fingers, my thumb, my cock. I can see the effect on her of having her toes sucked, and I’ve simply loved doing it. Why wouldn’t I want to do it more?

I hope to spend a great deal of time finding out why it’s so good. You should too. As a tip, I’d highlight the feel of her in my mouth, the taste of her, exploring between her toes and her gasp.

Her gasp. In case I didn’t mention it.

© Charles Rochester 2015

Thoughts On “Cunt”, “Cock”, and “Come”


I like the word Cunt. I know that some of you don’t, and you prefer Pussy, because you’ve told me. But I like Cunt. The two words conjure up very different images and concepts. Perhaps some are uncomfortable with it because Cunt has been corrupted as a term of abuse. A cunt is something you can be rough with. That doesn’t mean you like or care about her owner any less, or that you don’t respect her or want to give her great pleasure. It just enables you to be rough, hard, unrelenting.

You can do everything to a cunt that you can do with a pussy. But you can do it more. For instance you can use your fingers in a pussy or a cunt. But you can’t use your whole hand in a pussy. I just think that a pussy demands a gentleness of touch and treatment that a cunt doesn’t. That’s not to say you must be rough with a cunt all the time, but you can be when she needs it.

Reading that paragraph through, I also note that I said that you do things “to a cunt” and “with a pussy”. Telling. You make love to a pussy, you never fuck it. You can make love to a cunt if you want, but you can fuck it hard, too.

The word enables you to dominate, to impose your will.
Have you ever tried imposing your will on a cat? Exactly.

Lastly, pussy is a little too (linguistically) close to pissy. Not that piss has no place in sex, but while I’m happy to fuck her pissed, or fuck her so hard we end up pissy, I don’t want to fuck something called a pissy!


I have a Cock. Very occasionally I might call it a dick. But for some reason I find that Cock evokes better how I want it to be perceived. The word feels harder, more abrupt, more (no pun intended) in your face. Certainly it feels more in command.

I don’t use my willy, my dong, my schlong or my (what are you thinking, american counsins) Johnson. It’s my cock I’m fucking her with, that I’m pushing into her cunt, her arse, or she’s taking down her throat.

Yes, usually arse (or I am partial to bottom), though sometimes her ass. But never (as I read in one piece last week) her “shitter”. A girl never shits, guys. Ever. They just don’t. It’s not part of their biology. Their arses, their beautiful bottoms, they exist for pleasure; stroking, holding, spanking, licking, sucking, fucking. And nothing else.


I Come. When I orgasm, I come. I’m coming. The delightful messy product is Come. A girl is a little different, she comes, and she squirts come, or at the very least the extra flush of wet is come. Of course, she’ll already be wet. That’s not come, that just wet. But neither of us ‘cum’, we are definitely not ‘cumming’ (which spellcheck wants to change to Cumin). The fluids we make for each other, that we draw orgasmically from each other’s bodies, that we exchange, splash on each other, give to each other, take into our bodies, drink, swallow… That’s not cum either. It’s Come.

I find cum so off-putting as a word that I can’t read erotica that uses it. Cum is a spelling teenagers use to make their equally teenage friends giggle. Or on some occasions it’s just plain illiterate. It’s not even a word, unless you’re speaking Latin, when it means ‘with’, but who does that? Unless you live somewhere like Horton-cum-Studley, of course. Otherwise it’s almost never used because almost no one speaks Latin. As a spelling for something so delicious as come, it should be used less than “almost never”.

That’s my thoughts. I know lots of you have different views, I’d love to hear them.

More stories – #InspiredByYou

© Charles Rochester 2015

Thoughts On Limits

A few words on limits. And I expect I’m going to upset a few people.

I rarely directly discuss limits. I certainly never present someone with a document to consider and negotiate over it like a business meeting. But ordinary* relationships manage without this discussion being explicit, they negotiate and discover as they progress. Among the various sex positive ‘communities’ we believe we are more aware, more cognoscent of the issues others might have. Those of us who are fulfilled by the submission of another believe we understand our sub, that we know them. Those who like to be dominated must trust their Dom.

It is, of course, best practice to have an understanding of your consort’s limits. But that can be gained through conversation, sexting, experience – paying attention. Why do we feel it should be different for us, that we must have this dry, dusty meeting? This filling in of a questionnaire? Don’t you feel you know you partner(s) well enough? Don’t you know you’ll be able to tell when your sub’s wish to please you is conflicting with their own fear, physical boundaries or preferences? Or are you planning to rush right up to those boundaries straight away – your first time together – without building an experiential trust first? Isn’t that the same as fucking without foreplay, even if the building of experiential trust is a progression of months, rather than a little less than an hour?

Shouldn’t we, as people who claim to be more aware, more considered of our choices also be more aware of our consort’s responses and reactions? Of course we should. While recognising that some may feel safer having discussed limits, wouldn’t you, as a sub, feel safer knowing your consort has taken the time to know you well enough, get inside your head sufficiently, to be aware of your limits, be aware of your behavioural responses, and aware of your body language that he will always ensure your safety, protection, fulfilment? Psychological as well as physical? If he is aware of those things, if he’s taken the time to explore your mind, you’ll never need that safeword.

Ah,” you might say, “What if we’re new together? What if he doesn’t understand me so well? what if he wouldn’t recognise those subtle signals that I’m not happy?” Well, I’d ask you, What are you doing submitting to a man you don’t trust? A man who hasn’t learned so much about you that he knows your desires and needs? What’s the rush?

Take the time to build the experiential trust, for him to learn your cues and triggers. To learn your limits, which can be pushed, which can’t, rather than be told them.

And what will kill the passion and spontaneity faster than a business meeting, a contract that says “You can do these to me.” And once you’ve rushed to those boundaries first time out, then what? Where’s the progression in your life, the excitement of the ‘new thing’ together?

Knowing limits is important, but it’s part of the trust and rapport you naturally build up over time. Learning what excites and what doesn’t is part of the fun of a pairing. Kill it with an excel spreadsheet if you like, but I won’t.

*I’m using the word “ordinary” as a descriptor we can all understand to differentiate instead of “vanilla” because I don’t really like the word vanilla. I think it’s often used to condescend or place a value judgement. Many people are perfectly satisfied with their ‘ordinary’ sex lives, and that’s fine.

© Charles Rochester 2015